My hybrid homage to Mark Bittman’s spectacular cooking blog, Bitten, where he occasionally offers 100 easy winter recipes or the like and Garden Rant, with its excellent criticism of all things gardening: 62 (I couldn’t think of 100) things that irritate me in the garden.
1. Orange Mulch
2. Black Plastic Weed Blocker
3. Black Cloth Weed Blocker
4. Mulch Volcanoes around the base of a tree
6. Planting something tall in front of a border and short in back when it can only be viewed from one side.
7. Japanese Beetles in June
8. Japanese Beetles in July
9. Japanese Beetles in August
10. Japanese Beetle carcasses year round
11. When you look up the name of an iris 100 times and still can’t remember it.
12. losing your trowel in the grass somewhere.
13. leaving your Felco pruners in the rain.
14. Stepping on thistles with your bare feet.
15. Thistles generally.
16. Discovering that your brand new gloves have a hole in them.
17. Those Irises that are half brown.
18. Ornamental Grasses. (there are exceptions, but so many are used badly)
19. Gardening fairytales. (you have to move irises in the fall because we’ve decided it’s better)
20. Late shipments from nurserymen.
21. Early shipments from nurserymen.
22. Foxgloves that always die after their first year with no blooms.
23. The fact that ugly, overlarge plants always live longer than pretty properly-sized plants.
24. Those scary worms that look as long as snakes, and about as wide.
25. Voles. (Although I think these are my cat’s favorite things about the garden)
26. Interruptions when I’m in the garden.
27. Overgrown shrubs.
28. Former gardens that owners are too lazy to dig out and convert to grass.
29. lawn grass in garden beds.
30. That one prickly weed that if you don’t pull it out under the soil gets you with those nasty spines.
31. How roses always know exactly where the glove ends. (Ouch!)
32. My attacking cactus.
33. Purple Coneflowers.
34. Random shrub in the lawn, surrounded by grass. (I learned my lesson on that one)
35. Accidental poisoning– I’ve killed a beloved Hydrangea and an entire garden bed by spilling fertilizer.
36. Laziness. If I’d gotten around to it sooner, I could have done the new Clematis trellis properly, but now I can’t.
37. Dandelions– more than other weeds, because they manage to put down roots right in the center of a plant.
38. Losing a plant– I have a beautiful Mauna Loa daylily that I couldn’t remember where I’d planted it. (I’ve since found it)
39. Dead plants- Those great purple leaved geraniums, the blue-flowered azaleas, the red flowered azaleas, the mountain laurel, the pale blue delphiniums.
40. Killing a plant more than once– Brunnera Macrophylla. Argh.
41. How my two symmetrical raised front beds have completely different soil types (thank you, builder) so plants that love one side, invariably die on the other.
43. Crown Rot.
44. How my hose is about 10 feet too short to get to the end of the lot.
45. When a plant label says that it can be planted in full sun but it really can’t.
46. How overpriced some plants are.
47. When I overwater my houseplants.
48. When I forget to water my houseplants.
49. Plants that die the instant you stick them in the ground.
50. Dusty Miller and Salvias together.
51. When voles eat all of the tulip bulbs.
52. That stores don’t sell the products that I like for my garden (Crushed Oyster Shells, Maxicrop fertilizer)
53. How it always rains on the weekend and is nice during the week.
54. How long it takes trees to grow.
55. Striped petunias. (sorry Mom, I know they have their place in a patriotic container)
56. The scraggliness of lavender in the spring.
57. The fact that Japanese beetles love Dahlias and Lindens.
58. Ugly Raised beds.
59. Abuse of “prairie style” gardening, particularly by contractors.
60. Stone Mulch– heavy, permanent, weed ridden and ugly.
61. Half-dead lawns. (you should see mine, but that doesn’t make it less of a pet peeve)
62. Deep Bark mulch on flower beds. Why do we do that in this country?
I’m sure I have more pet peeves… let me know your own garden gripes!